Why I Hate Bottling

I suffer when it comes time to bottle. I am not a winemaker that believes wine makes itself in the vineyard. A great dinner may start in the garden or pasture, but everything in the end is created by Chef doing what he does best. I am responsible for the final blend not the vineyard.

I love everything about winemaking but bottling. When the wine is in barrels or in a tank, I can go touch it. Once it goes into the bottle, I can no longer protect it, coax it, or influence it. It is lost to me behind glass. It must be similar to a Chef watching the waiters carrying his plates out to the diners. He has done his work. It is now out of his hands. He has had his last taste. It is all now out of his control.

What I Do For Science

The worst thing that can happen in winemaking when you are preparing your final blend before bottling is the realization that you have come down with a cold. When I was a boy my Aunt was convinced that if I gargled with salt water and hydrogen peroxide the minute I got a sore throat I would be healed. I tried but it never worked. Years later my cousin Keith, her son, and also a winemaker, convinced me to try sucking salt water solution up my nose until it came out my ears. Other than providing me the sensation of drowning it did nothing for me.

Another sure fire remedy I was told, was cotton balls dipped in honey and fresh garlic stuffed up your nose. I never really tested this fully as everyone stopped coming near me including my dog Bogie, who for the first time in his life of thirteen years refused to sleep next to my bed. Still, I reasoned, there must be something to the fact that so many remedies are focused on stuffing something up your nose and/or gargling.

Of course, I came down with a cold just as I was preparing Civello for bottling. Everyone was waiting for me to taste. I had to get to the winery. Bottling was one week away. But, I knew a cold was coming on. I begged off. Everything that day tasted funny. I went to bed with my throat raw. It was getting sorer by the minute. “Maybe it’s the mumps,” I said out loud. The mumps are my biggest fear, never having had them as a child and hearing nothing but horror stories about them in adulthood. “No, this is just a cold,” I reassured myself. When suddenly I remembered a book I had read. It was written by Thomas Jefferson touting the effects of wine as a disinfectant on wounds. Of course! How many wine dinners have I repeated the fact that nothing harmful to man can live in wine.

I was having a “Eureka!” moment. Just like those other great scientists had before me. Remember Dr. Jekyll, Dr. Seth Brundle (the guy who turned himself into a fly), and the invisible man Dr. Jack Griffin? I too would sacrifice myself for the sake of science. The cure for the common cold was before me all the time. Soon, it would be Jekyll, Brundle, Griffin and de los Reyes. Instead of hydrogen peroxide I would try gargling with a bottle of red wine!

The Experiment

Now I don’t want you to think I was in anyway cavalier in my approach. It took a while to determine exactly what wine to use. I reasoned I needed a wine that had lots of skin contact, fair acidity, low ph, and a good amount of alcohol. It was simple. A Napa Cabernet Sauvignon would be ideal. Especially one blended with a little Merlot and Cabernet Franc. I only use Petite Verdot so using my wine was out. I found a perfect wine on my wine rack.

For scientific purposes I logged in the time. It was three in the morning. I opened the bottle, took a deep breath and gargled. The wine tasted pungent, dark and grapey. I smiled because my throat felt better. It seemed to work. I would get up every hour and gargle until the cold was gone.

For some reason, there were no more entries in the log until 2:30 the next afternoon. But, now there were two bottles of wine lying empty in the sink. My sore throat seemed to be gone. I made some soup, gargled with the wine, and went back to bed and to my experiment. I don’t remember anything about that night.

I found myself the next morning, struggling to get out of bed. I tripped over Bogie. My throat was improving. I was on to something. But, I sure needed sleep. Getting up every hour on the hour was just too exhausting. Actually, my throat was feeling much better. Except my nose was now feeling stuffy. Why not swab the inside of my nose with the same wine I thought? Why not! I opened another bottle. The good news was that it was a holiday. The winery was closed. I had an extra day to continue my experiments.

When I awoke, my throat felt fine. But, my nose was stinging. I was aware that I could neither taste nor smell anything. I decided to no longer swab my nose. My ears were plugging. I debated swabbing my ears. I didn’t feel like filling out the log anymore.

Once I got up, I drove to the winery. I tried to taste but I couldn’t. I had some sensations of taste. Still, my cold seemed to be going. I asked the Cellar master what he thought of the wine.
“You don’t look so good, “he said.
“I’m coming down with a cold,” I sighed. “I was hoping maybe you could taste for me.”
He shrugged. “I wish I could help you,” he answered. “But, I have had a cold for over two weeks now. I can’t taste anything.”
It was too early in my research to share my discovery.

It has been over a week now. My cold is gone. I now have a cough. But, I can taste and smell again. After reviewing all my notes I have come to a conclusion. Like so many other great scientists have discovered before me. It is better to experiment on other people.

Disclaimer: Row Eleven would like to make it clear that we do not in anyway approve of the use of wine for medicinal purposes. We are a serious company. We recognize wine is merely a fun drink that makes all meals including breakfast great.